Friday, June 5, 2009

$2 Coffee Mug In The Rain

The pictures above show: Doll Aurora (as it turned out that the picture she had faxed from her space module was of her daughter, Bennie Fitz); Janet Evans, the Olympic swimmer; the Santa Monica Bank coffee mug, full size and close up; and Dinah’s Restaurant, on the outside and on the inside, featuring the luxurious imitation red upholstered booth.

You may wish to read two or three previous posts to fully experience the drama and the suspense of Planet Earth being rescued by financial benefactors from another World.

I Propose A Toast To A Previous Post

Doll Aurora Calls Hooknose McGee On The Red Telephone
(posted June 1, 2009)

Duncan Crashes The Party
(second half of the June 1, 2009 post)

President Obama Names Secretary Of The Button
(posted May 31, 2009 post)

$2 Coffee Mug In The Rain

As the limousine drove away from the curb in front of Santa Monica Bank, Hooknose McGee turned to the Olympic swimming champion. “Janet, you were so far ahead of the other swimmers in your prime. I wondered if your records would stand up forever, but as they say, records were meant to be broken.”

Janet Evans came back with a witty remark. “And if you had not timed The Button push just right, and had drawn two seconds of interest, 190 cubic miles of one dollar bills would have come rocketing out of the sky, and broken a lot of the Record King’s records he has in his warehouses located around the country.”

Hooknose McGee laughed. “It would have hit with the force of a nuclear blast and taken out a lot more than record warehouses. It looks like you have been following this story on CNN for the past couple of weeks.”

“Yes, I have.” Janet Evans acknowledged. “Your background of having imaginary children and being strange, makes you one of our planet’s most likely candidates to be contacted by the outer space people. Now we, of all people, get the unique experience of meeting Doll Aurora. I hope we can be invited for a short ride in her space module.”

“I will not yet have recovered from meeting you, Janet,” Hooknose McGee observed, philosophically, “Before I meet Doll Aurora. We are almost at Dinah’s front door. Could I have your autograph before we get there?”.

“Sure thing,” Janet Evans replied. She took out a page of paper from her leather briefcase. It bore the letterhead of the Santa Monica Hyatt Hotel. She jotted some words down on the sheet of paper and handed it to Hooknose McGee.

Hooknose McGee read the written words aloud, “To Hooknose McGee, I hope you meet up with a girl from another planet who takes you home to meet her parents. Best wishes, Janet Evans.”

Hooknose McGee considered Janet’s bizarre suggestion, and commented, “And maybe this girl from another planet could co-sign for me to buy a space ship, and I could make payments. Every time I travel several light years away to visit her, I could bring back a cargo of diamonds or gold to pay for the trip.”

The limousine pulled into the parking lot of Dinah’s and dropped off the Olympic swimming champion and the Secretary of The Button. They walked to the front door, at arm’s length. Hooknose McGee opened the plate glass door and Janet Evans stepped inside, followed by her long- time secret admirer. They were seated by the hostess at a red booth.

The manager of Dinah’s, Abdul Rahmeen, came to their red booth. “Hello, Janet Evans,” he stated. The Olympic swimming champion smiled at the manager. “Hooknose McGee,” he said, “It is so nice to see you. Why have you taken so long to come back and partake of our fine cuisine? It has been 15 years since you last visited.”

“Well, actually, Abdul,” Hooknose McGee explained. “I was here for breakfast this morning. And what a scrumptious repast it was. But, of course, it had been about 15 years since I had previously been here, and I sure did miss my weekly trip to Dinah‘s and walking the shoe in the industrial area next door.”

“Well, I did not come to work today until 9:00 a.m., and everyone was watching The Button push on CNN on our large screen television. So I missed you this morning. You did a great job, and you handled the pressure well, from what I could see. I want to ask you for a favor, if you will be so kind as to provide me with a picture to put on our celebrity wall.”

Janet Evans’s face turned red, “What am I, Abdul, chopped liver?”.

Abdul Rahmeen turned to the Olympic swimming champion. “Janet, dear, liver is out of season right now. But can I interest you in a Dinah burger?”.

The manager looked at Hooknose McGee in anticipation of his reply to the request for a picture. “Well, Abdul,” Hooknose McGee replied, matter-of-factly. “You can go to my blog post, and in the left hand column you will find my photo. Right click on it and have it enlarged to 10 X 14 size and that will be suitable for your celebrity wall.”

A waitress in a yellow Dinah’s uniform with a white sash came to the red booth and said, “Hi. I am Earline. I will be your server today. May I take your order?”.

Hooknose McGee replied, “Janet has not been here before, so I will place our order. We will have three Dinah burgers, with tomatoes, lettuce, pickles and onions, extra onions, mayonnaise, Tabasco hot sauce, and Heinz 57 sauce. And for dessert, because we will have the Dinah burgers first while the pastry item is baking, we will have a large gourmet apple pancake toasted to a golden brown, with butter and maple syrup, and we will have three Dinah’s coffee mugs for coffee, and three glasses of water.” Earline wrote this all down on the order tablet, went to the counter in front of the 8 foot by 3 foot grill where two cooks were preparing 17 customer orders simultaneously, and attached the paper sheet to the carousel of metal clamps so it would be prepared in the order it was received.

“You must have been a regular here,” Janet Evans said to Hooknose McGee. “You have that order memorized word for word.”

“Well, Janet,” Hooknose McGee answered, “There is no place in the whole world quite like Dinah’s. Monday is all-you-can-eat fried chicken night. And the rolls they have are so tasty, they probably cause cancer.”

Through the large plate glass window of Dinah’s Restaurant, a strange-looking flying craft appeared in the sky, descending at a low rate of speed. It landed gently in the parking lot of Dinah’s. It was about 40 feet in diameter, pulsated with a greenish hue, and was etched in purple on the circular perimeter. A door receded upwards into the roof area, a set of small steps folded down to the asphalt-covered ground, and out stepped the visitor from another world. But she did not look like the picture that had been faxed to Hooknose McGee during his conversation with Doll Aurora on the Red Telephone. She was attired in an old-style dress with ornate sleeves, such as would have been worn by women in 1905.

Soon Doll Aurora joined Hooknose McGee and Janet Evans at the red booth. Hooknose McGee stood up, respectfully, until Doll Aurora was seated. Hooknose McGee was on one side of the semi-circular red booth, Janet Evans was in the middle, at arm’s length from the Secretary of The Button, and Doll Aurora was on the other side, at arm’s length from Janet Evans. Doll Aurora added cream to her coffee cup. Janet Evans spoke first.

“I like your dress,” Janet Evans said to the lady from a distant Galaxy, studying the antiquated, ankle-length, long-sleeve grayish cotton gown worn by Doll Aurora. “I notice it is historic, rather than contemporary.”

Earline appeared at their red booth with the three Dinah Burgers.

Hooknose McGee said to Earline, “Can I please have some Tabasco hot sauce and Heinz 57 sauce?”.

Earline replied, “I can get you some hot sauce, but it is not Tabasco brand. But the Heinz 57 is already on the table.” Then Earline left to attend other customers. The three began to eat their Dinah burgers.

Hooknose McGee said, “Doll Aurora, on our planet, we sprinkle on a couple dashes of hot sauce, a teaspoon or so of Heinz 57 sauce, stack up the extra onions, some salt and pepper and then, after three minutes of prepping the Dinah burger for consumption, we can actually eat it.”

“This Dinah burger is really quite good,” Janet Evans said.

“I haven’t had a meal like this since I stopped at a Galaxy 158 light years away and went to the Dinah’s there,” Doll Aurora said. “Janet, you asked about my dress not being contemporary. Well, at the time I began my journey to Planet Earth, it was contemporary.”

“Doll Aurora, may I ask you,” Hooknose McGee inquired, “Why is it that the real you does not look quite like the picture you faxed to me?”.

“Well, the picture I faxed to you was of my beautiful daughter, Bennie Fitz. I wanted you to think she was one of my 114 sister clones, but she is a laboratory-enhanced mutation sent to earth by laser beam 25 years ago, before I arrived here to rescue your planet from economic collapse. But she has the same giving spirit that I have.”

“I just knew Bennie Fitz was Heaven-sent,” Hooknose McGee commented. “She sure helped me a lot. Because of Bennie Fitz, I was able to eat and have a place to stay, and get a clothes line to hang my clothes that I got at the thrift store out to dry. Thank you for sending her into my life.”

“You are welcome, Hooknose McGee,” Doll Aurora replied. “My journey to Earth from Kalkuhl 8 began in 1905, Earth time. I put on the dress that was popular at the time.”

“But, Doll Aurora, if you cannot exceed four times the speed of light without getting a ticket, would it not have taken you at least 1.89 million years to get here, since your Galaxy is seven and a half million light years from Earth? How could you shorten that trip to just 104 years, and how do you stay young looking after the passage of such a long period of time?”.

“Hooknose McGee,” replied Doll Aurora, “I have a time accelerator on my space module. It can maneuver the space module through large clusters of time through the modification of light frequencies. And during the journey, I am in a soundproof pressurized glass booth, in a state of suspended animation, so I only age a couple of weeks during the entire trip. I was awakened by the space module auto-pilot system a few thousand galaxies away from Earth in order to send the genetic code of my daughter Bennie Fitz to arrive 25 years ahead of me.”

The manager of Dinah’s, Abdul Rahmeen, brought a 10 X 14 photograph of Hooknose McGee wearing a dark Olympic sweatshirt to the red booth where the three guests were enjoying their Dinah Burgers. “Hooknose McGee, my office manager printed out a copy of your blog picture. Will you please autograph it before I add it to our celebrity wall?”.

“Sure,” Hooknose McGee replied. “Janet, can I borrow your ink pen, please?”.

“Yes,” Janet replied, handing over her Sharp ballpoint pen. Hooknose McGee scrawled on the color picture, printed out by inkjet printer, “To Dinah’s, where the food is always out of this world. The Secretary of The Button, Hooknose McGee.”

Earline brought the large gourmet apple pancake to the red booth and cut three slices, placing the serrated cutting knife on the table beside the large porcelain plate. The large gourmet apple pancake was toasted to a golden brown and had a strong aroma of brown sugar and apples. “Janet, you need to drown this in maple syrup,” Hooknose McGee advised, drawing on his 13 years’ experience of pigging out at Dinah’s that were ended by thousands of miles and poverty.

“Doll Aurora,” Hooknose McGee stated, “I love you for your money.” Doll Aurora gave no visible response, but seemed to be really enjoying the large gourmet apple pancake drenched in maple syrup. She took a long swig of coffee from her white porcelain coffee mug with the Dinah’s monogram emblem etched on it.

“Do you love me, Hooknose McGee?” Janet Evans asked, concerned. She had a sense of trepidation that when the post-Button Push celebration meal was over, Hooknose McGee might leave with Doll Aurora on a long space flight, leaving Janet Evans to wait on tables for two years to pay for the hazardous materials team to clean up the site of the space ship landing.

“Janet, I love you with agape love,” Hooknose McGee said calmly. “I will always have a place for you in my Olympic scrapbook. But my love for you could never compare with how much I love large gourmet apple pancakes from Dinah’s. Olympic champions are cranked out by the dozen, but there is only one Dinah‘s.”

“Ah ah ah!” admonished Doll Aurora, waving her finger from side to side in the newsletter editor‘s face. “Hooknose McGee, look at me!” Doll Aurora ordered sternly. “Didn’t I tell you there were 70,000 branches of Dinah’s Restaurant within 28 light years of Earth? Huh? Answer me, you dyslexic Button Pusher, you!”.

Hooknose McGee felt genuinely scolded, and cringed in the red booth. He put down his fork, and spoke in a quiet timid drawl, “Oh, darn, I forgot about that. But you know, Doll Aurora, we people of Planet Earth need constant supervision. I mean, look at how many big red stop signs we have. People would not know how to go from one block to the next if there was no sign there directing them what to do.”

Just then, the President of Santa Monica Bank, Henry Kaspryak, accompanied by JBQ, came to the red booth where the three guests were enjoying their large gourmet apple pancake. Through the large plate glass window, rain could be seen cascading down from the sky in torrents. The two visitors to the red booth were dressed in three-piece suits. Mr. Kaspryak said, “Doll Aurora, we were facing some tough years ahead before our global economy recovers. Thank you very much for going on a very long trip through space to bring us 24,353 trillion dollars. I think we can get back on our feet now. As a token of our appreciation to you and the Universal InterGalactic Bank for reaching out to the people of Earth, it is our honor to present you with this plastic card imprinted with the name 'Doll Aurora' which is a lifetime pass to any Dinah's anywhere in the Universe. Also, we would like to present you with this Santa Monica Bank coffee mug with a $2 bill encased in the transparent wall."

"Thank you, Mr. Kaspryak," Doll Aurora said, her eyes lighting up. "This lifetime pass to Dinah's will really come in handy."

Mr. Kaspryak bowed to Doll Aurora, and then turned his attention to Hooknose McGee. "Honorable Mr. Secretary, on behalf of a grateful nation and Planet, and in recognition of you successfully pushing The Button and rescuing the World from economic collapse, it is with great pleasure that I present you with this small token of our appreciation.”

Mr. Kaspryak handed the award to be bestowed on the Secretary of The Button over to JBQ. JBQ sat the award on the edge of the table, and said, “Honorable Mr. Secretary, we know you did what you did out of duty, and not for material gain. So there is no sense in giving you a trillion dollars out of the 24,353 trillion that accrues to our struggling Planet. Instead, we show our gratitude by presenting you with this commemorative Santa Monica Bank coffee mug with the newly-minted $2 bill encased in the transparent wall, which is identical to the one we presented to Doll Aurora.”

Hooknose McGee, caught off guard and trying to be modest about following the rehearsed plan precisely as he sat nervously in front of the Red Button and the Green Button, stated humbly, in much the same manner that Jim Thorpe had answered the King of Sweden after winning the Olympic pentathlon, “Thanks, JBQ.” JBQ and Mr. Kaspryak bowed cordially to the three guests sitting in the red booth, and quietly left the dining area.

“Congratulations, dear,” Doll Aurora said.

“I will never forget you,” Janet Evans said, reaching for another delicious bite of the large gourmet apple pancake.

“Do you mean me, or the pancake?” asked Hooknose McGee, feeling insecure.

“Why, the pancake, of course!” Janet Evans replied, laughing.

“Doll Aurora,” Hooknose McGee asked, hoping for a guided tour of Doll Aurora’s space ship, “Will you please give Janet and I a short ride in your space module? Maybe we could land on the moon and see what space travel is like.”

“I will be happy to take you on a round trip to the moon,” Doll Aurora stated, proud to show off the advanced technology of her home planet.

Just then an announcement came over the intercom of Dinah’s Restaurant, “Attention in the Dining Area! Will the owner of a large green and purple space ship from another Galaxy please remove your vehicle immediately? Your parking lights are on and your space ship is taking up nine parking spaces!”

Hooknose McGee exited the Red Booth and walked over to the Dinah’s Karaoke Stage. He picked up the microphone. “Testing. Testing. Ladies and gentlemen, can you give it up for Janet Evans and Doll Aurora?” Hooknose McGee said, pointing to the Red Booth where the two famous women were seated.

The audience applauded reservedly. A murmur echoed around the restaurant, something to the effect of “We have heard of the blithe and bonnie swimmer Janet Evans, but who is Doll Aurora, and why is she staring back at me like that?”.

Abdul Rahmeen dimmed the lights in Dinah’s Restaurant. Hooknose McGee began to sing the altered lyrics of an old gospel classic.

Amazing Glaze

Amazing glaze!
How sweet when browned!
And so divine to eat!
Dinah Burger with fries
No matter who buys
Makes the meal complete!

A purple and green
Flying Machine
Landed in Westchester Town
It brought the truth
To a red, red booth
Dressed in an heirloom gown

At Dinah’s front door, I
First saw Doll Aurora
She did not give me a hug
But Santa Monica Bank
Found two people to thank
With a plastic $2 mug

Amazing glaze!
How sweet when browned!
And so divine to eat!
If you find truth
In a red, red booth
Please save me a Seat!

The mystery of what happens to left over hamburger buns after the hamburger and ketchup is consumed was solved. They were thrown at Hooknose McGee as he replaced the microphone on its stand and returned to the Red Booth to rejoin Janet Evans and Doll Aurora.

Doll Aurora summoned Earline to the red booth. “Here, dear, is a $1000 Kalkhul 8 gold coin with the image of the National Clonery on the front as a tip for your excellent service. Can I please have a take-out container for the small amount of apple pancake that is left over? Thanks.”

“I will be right back with a doggie bag,” Earline replied with a smile, clutching the gold Clonery coin tightly in her palm.

(c) 2009 by Hooknose McGee

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